Been one hell of a week:
* I think I’ve been suffering from some anxiety/panic attacks at night
* My belief is that they’re happening as a result of the uncertainty associated with earning an income this way
* Additionally, there’s a fair amount of stress that occurs while playing – and if I’m playing for 8 hours on any given day, that can lead to 8 hours of stress
* If I play until bedtime, I go to bed stressed
* The feelings/sensations I’ve been experiencing at bedtime are: nausea, twisted stomach, chest pain, shortness of breath, the sensation of being on the verge of death at the point of dozing off – and ultimately never sleeping, and the illusion that I have no love in my life….pretty scary sh*t!
The good news, is that I’m a pretty resilient bugger and don’t like to resort to medication or destructive behaviors when I’m suffering any kind of crisis. So I made sure that Saturday was spent being proactive and positive. Here’s what I did:
* I read from one of my recently purchased poker books
* I went for a short run…very short…less than 15 minutes
* I actually wrote a significant portion of a business plan / code of conduct – still a bit to do, but it’s workable at the moment as-is…I *might* publish it here if someone requests it – as it’s something I’m pretty stoked about
* I popped open the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
* I wrote a 2-pager full of affirmations
* I wrote a 3-tiered bankroll management scheme
* I called my brother and my dad and told them both that I loved them
* I did not go out for drinks
* I located my health insurance card…just in case
* Before bed, I read my biz plan a few times, read the affirmations a few times, and did a lot of deep breathing and visualization
* Suddenly I was a bit more calm than previous nights and I feel I might have actually squeaked in 6 hours of sleep
After going through these exercises, my play yesterday and today was inspired. I’ve written myself 2 checks in 3 days as a result of reaching my bankroll milestones – and I think that’s going to help. My initial strategy was to just leave the money on FullTilt until I hit a whopping number – but I think that was too stressful. The 3-tiered bankroll management strategy goes like this:
For every $500 I make, I cut myself a check for $250. As a result, the bankroll initially grows in $250 increments. The 2nd tier allows me to cut a check for $500 every time the bankroll grows by $1,000. The 3rd tier allows me to cut a check for $1,000 every time the bankroll increases by $2,000. Even if I all I do is fluctuate in Tier 1 for a while, I could be paying myself $250 pretty frequently – and that wouldn’t be the end of the world, that’s for sure.
So – anxiety and panic – be gone! There’s no room for you in this household and no room for you in my tummy and chest!