On Hiatus

This is one of those times when the sh*t just hits the fan and you gotta roll with it.  In a nutshell:

  1. Zack’s cancer has returned…aggressively
  2. I’ve decided to discontinue his chemotherapy and put him to sleep as soon as he starts to exhibit signs of physical pain/stress.  Right now things appear to primarily be cosmetic (lumps all over the place…and getting bigger)
  3. I took him and his friend Oscar to the beach today for one last “sand between the toes” experience…though if he’s still here, the weather cooperates, and I have the time – I may take him again this weekend
  4. The appraisal biz is BOOMING at the moment.  It’s hard to stay on top of things.  I’ve got inspections scheduled up the yin-yang tomorrow and still have 2 to research and it’s 4:45pm.  I’ll be working late for sure!
  5. I really worry that I’m going to get too caught up in appraisal work/money and not take the time to make a few more memories with Zack before I have to put him to sleep.
  6. My trip to Mexico over President’s Day weekend is looking questionable or at least uncomfortable.  I fear that Zack’s physical condition has the potiential of getting bad right around that time.   It will be difficult to leave him for a weekend if he’s still around.  And if he’s not around, it will be difficult too – but I suppose I’ll find the strength to make the best of it and celebrate his life.

When the Oncologist gave me the (very short) list of options I sat in the room with Zack and thought about things a lot.  I came to the conclusion that it was a battle that we couldn’t win.  We needed to face the facts and realize that no matter how much money or energy we put into battling Zack’s cancer, that the outcome would be the same…perhaps delayed by a few weeks.  That’s right, weeks.  He was in remission for about 4 months.  When they slip out of remission, you can sometimes get them back into remission – but typically for only about 1/2 the time of the original remission.  Not a pleasant thought. 

If I were to use a poker analogy – sometimes you can fire at the pot after the flop, but if you get called – you might be better off checking to your opponent on the turn – especially if you think your opponent is strong and you can’t get him off his hand.  When you’re beat, you’re beat.  Protect what little you have left, and pick another battle.  

 That’s exactly how I feel about this whole K9 Lymphoma experience.  We are literally “drawing dead”.  Throwing more money and chemicals at the problem will not change the outcome.  So I learn from the experience.  I keep what little I have and use it to fight the next battle.


4 Responses

  1. oh Ken this makes me so sad. stay strong. enjoy him

  2. Enjoy the you have with him. You’re making the right decisions.

  3. My prayers are with you bud.

    Keep strong and enjoy the precious moments together.

  4. Ken,

    Just caught up on your blog and was sad to read about Zach. I know how hard that can be.

    I remember a Ram Das quote (here paraphrased) which he said when someone asked how to become more spiritual. he said to “sit for 15 minutes every day and think about the fact that everyone you love in this life is going to die and that you don’t know in what order.” Very true.

    My cat has had cancer for the past year or so and last spring I had one of her rear legs amputated. They say she still has cancer but seems to be doing well still. It’s made for many dear, exquisite moments between us.

    I’m sure you’ll cherish yours.

    Take care.

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