A bullet point update

Been one hell of a week:

* I think I’ve been suffering from some anxiety/panic attacks at night
* My belief is that they’re happening as a result of the uncertainty associated with earning an income this way
* Additionally, there’s a fair amount of stress that occurs while playing – and if I’m playing for 8 hours on any given day, that can lead to 8 hours of stress
* If I play until bedtime, I go to bed stressed
* The feelings/sensations I’ve been experiencing at bedtime are:  nausea, twisted stomach, chest pain, shortness of breath, the sensation of being on the verge of death at the point of dozing off – and ultimately never sleeping, and the illusion that I have no love in my life….pretty scary sh*t!

The good news, is that I’m a pretty resilient bugger and don’t like to resort to medication or destructive behaviors when I’m suffering any kind of crisis.  So I made sure that Saturday was spent being proactive and positive.  Here’s what I did:

* I read from one of my recently purchased poker books
* I went for a short run…very short…less than 15 minutes
* I actually wrote a significant portion of a business plan / code of conduct – still a bit to do, but it’s workable at the moment as-is…I *might* publish it here if someone requests it – as it’s something I’m pretty stoked about
* I popped open the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
* I wrote a 2-pager full of affirmations
* I wrote a 3-tiered bankroll management scheme
* I called my brother and my dad and told them both that I loved them
* I did not go out for drinks
* I located my health insurance card…just in case
* Before bed, I read my biz plan a few times, read the affirmations a few times, and did a lot of deep breathing and visualization
* Suddenly I was a bit more calm than previous nights and I feel I might have actually squeaked in 6 hours of sleep

After going through these exercises, my play yesterday and today was inspired.   I’ve written myself 2 checks in 3 days as a result of reaching my bankroll milestones – and I think that’s going to help.  My initial strategy was to just leave the money on FullTilt until I hit a whopping number – but I think that was too stressful.  The 3-tiered bankroll management strategy goes like this:

For every $500 I make, I cut myself a check for $250.  As a result, the bankroll initially grows in $250 increments.   The 2nd tier allows me to cut a check for $500 every time the bankroll grows by $1,000.  The 3rd tier allows me to cut a check for $1,000 every time the bankroll increases by $2,000.   Even if I all I do is fluctuate in Tier 1 for a while, I could be paying myself $250 pretty frequently – and that wouldn’t be the end of the world, that’s for sure.

So – anxiety and panic – be gone!  There’s no room for you in this household and no room for you in my tummy and chest!

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One Response

  1. I like your bankroll strategy, especially the part about taking money out as you grow your bankroll. Some who build their bankrolls leave the money in and let it grow. However, when you do that, you tend to value the bankroll less than if it remains smaller. In addition, when leaving it in you tend to move to higher stakes sooner than your approach.

    Don’t forget to put some money aside to get you thorugh when the inevitable down-turn comes. It will come. It does for all of us. And there isn’t much you can do about it but play through it and keep your head.

    Good luck on the sleeping thing!

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